What happened on saturday August 14th?

Well, I'm not sure if everyone really knows what happened. Some people know, some perhaps don't, some know a little.

So I guess I am ready to tell..

Saturday morning the 14th of August started as any other had while we were on our vacation in Holland.
Kel and I had just been home a week from our fantastic trip in Normandy . We had breakfast outside with the kids together, and after that, my dad came to pick me up to do some groceries in Germany for Quinn's birthday party the next day. Kel would hang out with the kids, and meet me at my parents that afternoon for dinner.

So, I enjoyed my "alone" time after my dad and I came back. My sister and I went shopping for a bit.

Then at around 7.00 pm, Kel and the kids arrived. A bit later than I had hoped, but he said they were having a good time, and forgot about the time.
He, Joerie and the kids went to watch a football match in the living room. My sister and I thought they looked so cute, all of them on the sofa. I was too lazy though to get my camera all the way from the attic, so my sister took a quick snapshot.They all looked so happy.

Then it was dinner time. My dad had cooked mussels and fired up the grill, so we all ate outside and had a good time.

At about 8.30, the kids were having dessert, and I told Kel, "let's head home in 10 minutes, since it'll be a busy day tomorrow and we still have a lot of things to do".
When I was ready to go, i looked for him, but couldn't find him. My dad's car (which we were using over there) wasn't there either.
I thought it was a bit strange that he would just leave like that, without saying anything. But who knows, perhaps he just wanted to take a quick drive because he thought I would be longer anyway.
I started getting aggravated when time went by and I hadn't heard from him. He didn't have a cellphone with him. I was outside on the porch, when my dad mentioned casually. "oh there is a report of an accident. It says the driver is trapped in the burning vehicle". I remember thinking: "How awful, hopefully they will get to him", not for a moment thinking this could possibly be Kelvin.
There were sirens everywhere. My parents live close to the fire station and it seems every emergency vehicle available had pulled out. I started feeling a bit nervous. Why was he taking so long? That wasn't really his kind of thing.

I told my dad to please go and look, and make sure that that car wasn't Kel. Just to give me piece of mind. I remember being pissed off with Kel. When he came back, I'd let him have it. How dare he just leave without saying anything and then leaving me all worried!

So, my dad took off, and i grew increasingly more nervous. I went outside because I didn't want the kids to see I was worried. Pacing around, trembling. Joerie saw me and looked concerned. I was cursing. What the hell is the matter with him? where is he?
I called my dad's cellphone. No answer. I called again, still no answer.

Then I started feeling sick. Really really sick. I felt something was horribly wrong.. But how could that be? I remember thinking, "i better get ready, in case I need to go to the hospital". My stomach got really upset.

Joerie and Abi decided to leave to to go and look for my dad. I kept pacing around outside, jumping up at the sound of every car, hoping that It would just be Kel, I could get mad at him, and then it was all good.
I heard a car and looked over the hedge. It wasn't Kel, but my dad.
He walked to the backyard with a grim expression on his face. I asked him "dad, dad, is he o.k?" what's going on?

Then he spoke those dreaded words: "Syl, I think you should sit down.."

I don't remember exactly what happened then, but I remember screaming. really loud. Saying things like "no, that's not true, it's not possible, not my Kelvey.." My dad wasn't sure what to do or say. He just hugged me and tried so say things to help me feel better. I was angry, mad, stomping, shouting and screaming.
I think the whole neighbourhood knew what was going on.

My sister in the meanwhile, had quickly gotten the kids off to sleep. My family started coming outside to the porch, with water and hugs. I was so thirsty, i remember drinking gallons of water.
Everyone was struck, they just couldn't believe it.

I remember thinking how this could possibly happen. we were so happy, everything was so perfect. and the kids? Oh God, the kids.

I stayed on the porch for a long time, then went inside because I wanted to shower. In the meanwhile my sister had gone to the pharmacy to get sleeping pills, and she had started calling my friends and some family.

I did want to call Kelvin's family first though. I felt bad doing it, my mom said I should wait till the morning, but I couldn't. I felt terrible having to call them on an average saturdaynight, and tell them such horrible news. I think Glennis was too shocked, so I told Quico the rest, and then they talked to my family.

Taking a shower felt good. I cried my eyes out, made the water real hot. I wanted to go to bed, so i took some sleeping pills. But with my stomache still upset, they were useless. So i just laid and stared at the ceiling. I had grabbed Quinnie out of his bed to come lay next to me. He was warm and snugly. And he had no idea yet of what had just happened.
My brother and his wife arrived. he came into the room, not sure whether I was sleeping. We hugged and cried.
Nobody could really grasp what had happened.

Then Raul & Robin came down the basement stairs. They had woken up, not sure why, and were upset, so I made them beds in my room. I wanted us to be together. Raul was half asleep but asked "is daddy still not home?". I told him, "no sorry sweetie, I'm not sure why".

They went back to sleep, and I didn't. All night I wondered how in the world I would tell my kids that their sweet daddy they love so much had died. Should I tell them as soon as they wake up? All at the same time? one by one? How really do you prepare yourself for that? You can't. They looked so innocent, sleeping, not knowing what had happened. I felt so terrible having to turn their life upside down. It's not fair.

Morning came, i think I slept for about one hour. Little by little, the kids started waking up. I took a deep breath, and said it. I'm not sure anymore how I said it, but I did try to make sure I wasn't sugarcoating anything. I wanted to make sure they wouldn't have false hope of him coming back. Raul was quiet. He thought about it for a while, asked a few questions, and then asked if he could watch t.v.
Robin instantly started crying. Then she calmed down a bit and asked a bunch of practical questions. Such as "are we going to get a new daddy? and she was also wondering if Opa couldn't just go get the car, so that we could at least keep daddy's body somewhere. Kind of like a doll. That made things even harder because now I had to try and explain to her in a way that wasn't completely traumatizing, why there was no body we could take home. I didn't want her to get images in her head of a burning car, and thinking that Kel suffered.
After a while, we went and had breakfast, and sought refuge in drawing a nice picture for Kel.
Quinn didn't say much I think. He just looked really sad. But he did seem to understand what had happened.

Throughout the day, a lot of people visited. Raul sat in the corner most of the time, playing videogames. Robin & Quinn seemed o.k. We decided to still have somewhat of a party. Since the kids had been looking forward to it, and we already had the cake.
Quinn got lots of playmobils, so later that day we all gathered, to set it up. It was a bit strange, it's like we all sought something to keep busy with, so building playmobil was a good distraction. We actually had fun doing it too. It was a strange day.

Well, the week after is one big blur, because there was a memorial service to get ready for. I had to decide whether to busy or cremate, and when and how. Sign lots of papers, call lots of places. Pick out flowers, music, pictures. Write something for the service, order a dress all the way from the US to wear.
Yes, very unimportant, that last thing, but I wanted to look nice for Kel.
You can't imagine how much a sudden passing of a spouse brings with it unless you go through it. It's crazy. A big jumble of emotions and practical things. And then there were those damn sirens every day, since well, my parents were close to the fire station.
I hated hearing those sirens.

So I guess that's the story. It was hard writing it all down, but also good. I hope you guys can make anything of it, because it isn't very neatly stored in my head. They are a bunch of little things I remember.

So they now think Kelvin was trying to swerve out for a car coming from around the corner, and then crashed into the tree. There were no witnesses, but this was the most likely. The other car didn't stop.

There were newspaper articles too. Here you can read one. I think if you google " Amerikaan Doetinchem auto ongeluk" there is even a video. My brother says he's seen it. He said it wasn't anything graphic, but still, I'd rather not see.
If only the people reading that paper knew he wasn't just a 39 year old American male. He was a beautiful husband and father, with a smile that lit up the room. And he was just great. Phenomenal.