Memorial service for Kelvin

Today was the memorial service for Kelvin here in Holland.
It's been a busy and stressful week, but it was worth it. Kel got the service he deserved.
For whom didn't know yet, because of the nature of the accident, Kelvin could not be seen anymore beforehand.There was still the option of a burial, but since I'm not sure where we will be living in the future yet, I did not want to do that. We chose to have him cremated, because that way, silly as it may sound, we can take him with us wherever we go.
The cremation took place last thursday morning. We chose not to have a service or anything before that. One reason was I hate these kinds of places, second is that, since there was no body to be seen before, I did not want to be confronted staring at a coffin and possibly picturing what had happened to Kel. I wanted to remember him how he was, and not get all sorts of horrific thoughts into my mind.
So we decided to have the urn there at the service, where there might normally be a coffin, with a big beautiful picture of Kelvin next to it.
Upon entering the church, we played Concierto de Aranjuez by Jim Hall. It was one of Kelvins favorites.
The kids lit candles, and there were a lot of things read that family had written. I can't really describe the whole service now, but it was very nice.




The other music played was

* Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
* When I fall in love - Nat King Cole
* These foolish things - Billie Holiday
* Almost blue - Chet Baker
* Everything - Michael Buble

You should be linked to the videos on youtube when you click on the songs, but if not (i think FB & hyves doesn't show the links) please look them up on youtube.

After the service we went to Luther, a bar in town, to hang out some more and have a few drinks. It was a really nice service. I think Kel would have liked it.

Strangely, I did not really cry once. I would have had  I read my written part myself, but my friend Rosie read it instead, because I don't think I would have gotten very far. The other part because still, I was too busy trying to have the kids be quiet and not start banging heads together because Robin and Quinn both wanted to lay their heads on my lap.

Now that it's all over, suddenly I have time to sit and do nothing for a while. I had more time to talk with the kids before bed. Kelvin's urn is here, I thought i might  find it strange but it is actually comforting to have something tangible. As horrific as that may sound.
Trust me, I've seen those movies, with awkward family moments involving urns on mantles and thought, "who would do that?".
So it turns out, I would. I guess you don't know until it happens.
The kids liked the idea of having daddy close. Robin likes to hug it, and it really cheered her up to realize that this way he is still around in some way.



I have better pictures of the service I think, which my friend  Philippine should give me one of these days, as well as videos.

Oh, and the weather today was crazy, it was almost as if Kel had a hand in it. I started of blustery and grey but not cold. Then when we were supposed to walk to the church (it is next door to my parents house) it started raining really hard. While we were in the church, it changed around, from grey, to sunshine, and the warm breeze stayed. Kelvin would have thought it was cozy weather. Good weather to have coffee together.

I will copy and paste both parts that I wrote this week under the blog. One is a part with "practical" information, the other is the personal note that I was supposed to write all week, kept me up until 3 am this morning with writer's block, and that I ended up writing when I woke up this morning.

I will leave you with your thoughts, and soon will leave myself with mine. It's getting late. The time has come for me to try and rest, and let reality sink in, as I haven't had the time to do that either this past week.

When I have all the pictures, I will make an online album.



I will copy/paste the parts now that I wrote for the service..

Our life together in a nutshell:

As a child, I always wanted to live in America. For no particulair reason, it just felt like that was the place for me.



Then, on Friday july 13th, my lucky day arrived. Kelvin and I met. We'd talked online before and since I wanted to spend the summer in New York, he offered for me to stay with him for the first few days. After a few days, I found a place to stay, but we had become such good friends, we decided it would be more fun if I stayed with him.


Every day, we spent together. We became the best of friends, and shared many good times at our neighbourhood starbucks. Even though at first i thought we were just friends, feelings started to come up that showed me otherwise.


So, i decided to come clean, and tell him how I felt. At first he wasn't sure, after all, I was supposed to return to Holland soon, but we vsoon realized this was for real, and decided to take the plunge. I had to go back to Holland for a few months, but after that, I was going to come back and stay forever.


October came, and i had to go back. Spending 3 months apart was the hardest thing we'd done, but we did it. In December he came to Holland to visit. We took a trip to Paris and there, at the top of the Ferris wheel, he asked me to marry him. And of course, I said yes.


In january, The time had come to go to the US for good. I didn't have a greencard, just a tourist visa, but That didn't matter. More time apart wasn't an option, and I'd do anything to be with him.


We also found out that we were expecting, and we got married on june 3rd 2002. It was a very simple wedding, no big dress or party, but it was fine that way. We felt that it was the love that counts and that all we wanted then was to be married, and be with our closest family and friends after. On september 16th 2002, Raul was born. Almost in the middle of downtown Manhattan at lunchtime, but we made it into the hospital just in time.


Life wasn't easy in New York city, finances weren't good, but we were happy regardless. But the city did start to get on our nerves, so we started longing for a better place to live.


Our feelings and fate led us to South Hadley Massachusetts. A nice little towns amidst the green hills. A cute little house,with a big yard, in a great neighbourhood. Just the right size for us. We were expecting another child after all. Robin was born in the middle of a beautiful spring night on April 22nd 2004.


Our joy was even greater, 2 beautiful children, a beautful marriage, and a great life.


Kelvin continued to work in New York, times were tough and any job was a great job. Even though he was away almost 3 days a week, in exchange he got to spend the remaining 4 days of the week with us.And the three days that he did work, he chose to come back home each and every day. Even though he could sleep at his family's home's nearby, he still insisted on driving home 3 hours at mignight each workday, to spend a very short night at home, so we could at least have coffee and breakfast together in the morning.


Money was tight sometimes, but even though the thought crossed our minds, he did not take up extra days nor did I want to work yet until the kids were older, because We felt that as much time as possible with their family would be the best gift we could ever give our children. So we spent Kelvin's days off doing everything together, We did our groceries together, we did everything together.


And we felt that perhaps our familyt wasn't enrirely complete yet. One beautiful afternoon in the fall, we sat in the backyard with a glass of wine, while the kids were playing in the leaves, and we decided that a third child would make our family complete.


Our wish was granted, and on August 29th 2007, Quintin was born. We chose the name because we liked it, but Quintin does mean "the 5th", which was perfect, since he was the fifth member of our family.


It just seemed like everything was right. Of course, we had our tough times, but our life together and our family, was our great joy, and in the end, all that mattered. We had many happy family days, in the fall, we'd take drives through the mountains to see the leaves, we picked apples at our favorite orchard, picked pumpkins at our local farm, and we raked leaves in the yard and jumped in the leaves.

In the winter, we'd cut our own christ mas tree, plow snow together, go sledding, take walks in the snowy woods and spent time inside on our livingroom rug, playing around, or dancing in the kitchen.


In spring and summer, we'd take advantage of every hot day, even if the kids had school, and we would take them out for the day and call it a Beach day. Then we'd head over to Connecticut spend the whole day at one beach, then we'd pick up some dinner and eat that at another beach.


And that was just the special days, or day to days, we were rarely ever apart.


8 years we were married this June. We were hoping to spend our 10 year anniversery somewhere in France with the kids, and perhaps throw a party.


And in honor of our anniversery this year, we booked a 3 day trip to Normandy France. Since we usually spent a good part of our summer in Holland each year, it would be a quick side trip.


And we's always wanted to see Normandy. I'd been wanting to explore France. We both loved Word war 2 history, and the street we live on is called Normandy road.


It was our first trip together since our engagement in Paris. It was amazing. We saw so many beautiful things, and we actually had time to sit and have long dinners and lunches together. We marvelled over the beautiful cliffs we saw, and the D day sites we visited. Normandy was just so beautiful we fantasized about living there.It was so nice to be able to spend time together. We wanted to go again next year, and perhaps take the kids too.


We brought the kids great souvernirs, and continued our vacation in Holland. Things get busy, so in a way, the thought of going home was nice, so we would see more of eachother again.


I could sit here and stare now, and think of nice ways to end this short story of our life together, but It's no use. There was no good ending, no chance for Goodbye.


He was here, and then we was not.



Dear Kelvin:

To my sweet dear Kel,



I cannot even begin to tell you how much we miss you.


One moment we were all having dinner together, an hour later I heard the worst news in my life. I couldn't believe it. It had to be some bad dream that I was going to wake up out of soon. Just like usual, if i had a bad dream. I would wake you up, and then you'd hold me tight and I thankfully realized it all wasn't real.


This time, there was no such thing. Just a cold hard truth.


It's been a tough week you know. So much to do, and so little time. I've barely had the time to sit and think and let it all sink in. Throughout the day, when I have little moments to myself, I'll see little things, such as a picture of you dancing with the kids. Then it suddenly hits me, that I'll never see that again. And that hurts. All those things we did together as a family, we'll have to do without you now, and that will not be easy.


But I guess, instead of thinking about what isn't anymore, I should think about what we had.


And boy, did we have a lot. We were so rich. Not in materialistic ways, but in love we always were.


Every chance we got to be together as a family, we grabbed. We spent so many wonderful days together, that I couldn't possibly just pick a few good memories and jot them down.


Our 9 years together were filled with so much joy, and I think that was not just obvious to ourselves, but to others as well.


I have heard from so many people how they admired us for the way we were as a family.


How we spent so much time together and how it was so obvious that our home was a warm and happy one. That the joy we had in our lives radiated of the pictures we shared with so many family and friends.


That our kids were such pleasant kids to have around.


Hearing that always made me proud. Our main goal was to have a strong and happy family and we succeeded in that more than anything.


Now that I have all these beautiful memories to look back on, i feel so blessed that we kept our priorities straight. I'm proud that we always followed our hearts regarding family. even if that meant less money in the bank.


The years that I had you in my life were the best ones. You truly left a legacy.


You will be so very missed by me and the kids.You were the most loving, funniest dad a kid could wish for.


I never dreamed someone like you could be in my life. A beautiful person, inside and out, that shared so many of my passions, and tolerated the others. You understood me and I understood you like no other could.


The one comfort I have is the knowledge that your spirit will forever live on in our children and the family we have grown to be over the years. I see you in each of them and I feel blessed that you have left me with so much.


Thank you sweetie, for being there for us. Though you aren't here in person, you will always be in our family in spirit, as we continue on to try and live our lives the way we would have, had you still been here. I'll hope you'll look down at us and smile your beautiful smile as you watch us trying to move on.


We love you so much!

Sylke, Raul, Robin & Quinn