Daydreaming

Ever since Kelvin  has been gone, I find myself daydreaming a lot.

I fantasize about what it would be like to wake up next to someone you love every morning, and then have breakfast together on his day off.

Spend evenings chilling out in the yard with a beer or a glass of wine, watching the kids play.

Watching the kids laugh as their dad plays with them.

Ill sit at the water park , alone, picturing how nice it would be to be there together. People watching, and having someone there to go buy some ice cream while I watch the kids.

Someone to make lunch for to take to work, and to be excited about when he gets home.

Always having another adult around to talk to, make plans with and figure out the ups and downs together.

Low key holiday celebrations, just your little family, cooking out in the backyard, going to the beach. They just aren't the same when it's just me.

All these things were my everyday reality up to less than a year ago. It wasn't always perfect, but we had it good.

How I miss all those little things. I know I won't ever be able to have that with Kel anymore. 

How I'd love to have that again someday. The desire is so strong, I'll daydream about it.

I know it will happen, just not when and with whom.

My dreams seem so simple to someone who has all that. And when you do, you usually don't even think twice about it.

Now that that's gone, all that is left is memories. They are great treasured memories, thankfully often captured in photos, and little sound bits in my mind. Sometime's I will hear them, out of the blue. It's like in the movies. I'll hear Kelvin's voice, something he used to say. A flashback, the kids laughing with him.

Sometimes it almost seems like it wasn't really there. Like it was all just a dream.