Dear Kel

Dear Kel,

This Monday is Valentine's day. And that also just so happens to be the 6 month anniversary.

6 months have passed since we were on vacation and you drove off real quick to do something.
And we never saw you again.

6 months since I sat on the porch at my parents house, hearing those awful sirens, and wondering what sort of horrible thing must have happened for that much firetruck turnout.

6 months since I still sat there and wondered why you hadn't come home yet, and the terrible thought that something could have happened to you crept up on me.

6 months since I panicked and got so sick, because I felt something was wrong and I could not imagine living without you.

6 months since my dad came home with a grim expression on his face, and my nighmare became reality and i screamed as loud as I could.

6 months since I've had to do the hardest thing in my life, and tell the kids you had died.

I cannot believe half a year has passed.

I was so in love. With you, our kids, our life, everything.

I had no idea how this experience would shape me for the time ahead., but i decided to jump in and deal with it as best as I knew how.
Amazingly, my love for life still excists. There are darker days, but there are always plenty of lights in those days that remind me that life goes on, and I still have plenty to live for.

I feel that you are by my side still, helping me through this, and helping me to stay true to myself.

Because you know the kind of person I am.

I feel so strong, that I can say I'm ready to open my heart again.
You will always be in it, but I don't want to be alone forever.
I am still alive and beeing able to share some things with another person again really helps me feel that.
I know how good life can be because of the amazing relationship we had.

I know that you're happy for me, because you told me in my dream the other night. That really meant so much to me.

I'd never thought 6 months ago, that I'd be looking forward to this Valentine's day, but I am.

I feel blessed to be able to share it with someone. Life is completely unpredictable.

Thank you Kel, for the wonderful love you have given me, and that I still feel you are giving me. You have helped me be the strong person that I am today, because you were in my life.

I will always love you, and I'll never forget you.